Waiting is hard. Waiting well is even harder. Waiting for true love, the kind that burns your heart and leaves you breathless, is nearly impossible. The loneliness, insecurities, and questions haunt you, especially on Valentine’s Day. You can’t even go buy a gallon of milk without passing boxes of candy, oversized mylar balloons, and plush puppies holding pillowed hearts—all designed for special someones who are not you.
Yep. Been there. Done that.
Looking back to the years before I finally did an “I do,” I realize how much time I wasted searching the black velvet skies for my Moon—the one who would light up my nights and keep me company in the darkness of this remarkably complicated home called Planet Earth. I was one who wondered for years and years if I would ever find love or it would ever find me.
I sometimes doubted that true love was a real thing. Maybe I had missed it or my mistakes and frailties had somehow disqualified me. Instead of Prince Charming, perhaps I should be lowering my sights to “reformed ex-convict.” But, in my stubborn defiance, I just had to believe. I had to keep searching. I had to keep becoming.
Staring at the Son
Through the trees, I found my Moon.
His light kissed my heart.
Excerpt from “Living in Love” by Chelsie Williams
It was not until I started staring at the Son—no, it’s not misspelled—that my loneliness was swallowed up by true love. Staring at the Son, I could finally see clearly the happily ever after I had always been looking for. My Good Morning and my Goodnight was and is Jesus.
Finally, there was peace, except when I looked too far ahead. I would get afraid. Sometimes it was sheer terror—I’m going to be 40 and no one will love me. Yikes. But, as I learned to keep my eyes fixed on God, who is Love, I knew at my core that everything was going to be okay.
I am loved by the Creator of the Universe. My Savior, Father, Friend. And guess what? God wins. What I thought was “He loves me, he loves me not” was simply, “He loves me, He loves me, He loves me.”
Little by little, so that I hardly knew it was happening, I stopped searching for true love and let myself be truly loved. In the process, I also learned to truly love.
This year, my husband and I will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary. Can you imagine? After all the waiting and stumbling and falling, 17 years of fairy tale love—complete, of course, with fire swamps, a pit of despair, and rodents of unusual size—a real-life happily ever after. Today, I am living in love.
And you (yes, you), just decide to choose love every time. Believe again. Defy doubt. Keep becoming.
Live in love,
P.S. If you missed my allusion to The Princess Bride, shame on you. Watch it on Netflix.
Chelsie also wrote a book for her “Westley,” who published the book to her surprise—Living in Love. It’s a compilation of letters written to her husband, Justin, before she met him.
According to Justin, “…what truly impacts the lives of those around Chelsie is that she has beautiful words, powerful, truth-telling, heart-piercing, laugh-loving words. It is a gift from the Lord, and as long as I have known her, she has given this gift to Him, to me, and to all those around her…may the words of my wife awaken your heart as you are waiting for love, stumbling into love, and living in love.”